Diatribe

This piece is all the way from 1995, when I was part of a writing/creative group in San Francisco.  We indulged in frequent viewing marathons of Kids in the Hall episodes, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf, and Dangerous Liaisons.  We believed there was a quote from any one of those sources for almost any occasion.  Clearly this piece was inspired by that!  I was probably going through some sort of inner torment at the time.

* * *

I had the pear dream again
Hence my unsavory pallor
and my burning yearning for a
Girl Drink Drunk
The Germs
The Germans
The Germinator
Aye, there’s the rub -
or perhaps not.

May I speak horticulturally for a moment?
Yes you may.  Please do.  I so love plant life.
If you have only just begun to quilt, don’t respond.

May I speak horizontally for a moment?
Yes you may.  Please do.  I so love plant life.
It’s Germinator II, Judgment Day
and methinks thou dost protest too much.

Upstairs we are having a fabulous party
but we’ve run out of wine so I’ve come down
to steal some of yours.
My God!  This room stinks of stupid women wondering
Wondering where, wondering how, wondering how much
My God, open a window!

I had the pear dream again
Was I there?
Yes.  You gave me the pear.
And with this pear…

Still our party rages on into the night,
and I believe now would be a good time
to progress from exploring the inner child
to exploring the inner adult
or at least the inner teenager
My God, open a window!

Yes, there’s some business I need to discuss,
But first –
The Whores!
No no no
First we discuss business
And then the whores.
By the way, this next one is called Get the Guests
But it’s only being played with the Uninvited
And that big red sign over my head reads:
H  E  L  L  O.
Which translates to:

Thou shalt not go on the hook
in order to take someone else off it

And even a cold kiss
is still a kiss.

 

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